A Tale of Two Birds
by DarkPitsNipples
Summary: What do you get when you mix two angels with headbutting personailities? I don't know either. But as they say, opposites attract... A collection of Pit x Dark Pit oneshots and drabbles and basicallysomething to waste my free time with. Overall rating T, but M-rated content may appear in the future. Warnings and ratings inside.
1. Sleep Talk

**Rating: K+**

 **Warnings: Booty ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

* * *

 **Sleep Talk**

It was in the middle of a chilly night when he awoke. To what, he wasn't sure. All he knows is that he wants to fall back asleep right now.

Of course, since the universe seems to hate Dark Pit for whatever reason, he couldn't.

So the tired dark angel lay awake in bed, grumpily staring at the wall parallel to his side of the bed. His frustration with sleeping right now really made him want to throw a pillow across the room, but he hasn't done so because that would leave him pillowless for the rest of the night since he felt too lazy to retrieve it if he did throw it.

That and Pit is a pillow hog.

Pittoo craned his neck to look at his sleeping boyfriend, wrapped in tightly in the blanket they shared and surrounded by pillows. The angel's light snoring was heard from the bed fort and he saw the slight rise and fall from his form.

The dark angel supressed the urge to hit him with his pillow for stealing all the pillows.

Instead, he lay his head back down and shut his eyes in an effort to fall back asleep. He was about to actually fall asleep until he heard Pit mumble something, the sound instantly waking him up. Pittoo looked over at him again with confusion before shrugging and laying back down. Then he heard it again. The dark angel listened closely, trying to figure out what the angel was mumbling.

"...mm..ahoy...maties..." he picked up between slurred words and snores.

Dark Pit put his hand up to his mouth to keep his chuckles silent. Was Pit dreaming about being a pirate? And since when did he talk in his sleep? The dark angel only made himself laugh harder. He became silent when Pit shifted, fearing that he woke up.

When the sleeping angel moved no more, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and relaxed his body. He almost thought he actually-

Dark Pit nearly jumped out of bed when he felt something grab his butt.

"..mnngh...hands off me booty..." Pit said with his sleepy pirate talk. Pittoo was frozen in place before he turned his head to glare at his dumb boyfriend. He picked up his pillow and whacked him in the head with it.

Pit shot upright in the bed. "What is it Lady Palu...te..na?" The angel blinked a few times before looking around. He looked at Pittoo who currently had his back facing him and had managed to snag most of the blanket and burrito himself in it.

"Blanket hog..." Pit sleepily said to himself before laying back down and falling back to sleep, his light snores filling the room once more.

Dark Pit, on the other hand, was still wide awake.


	2. Spice!

**Rating: T**

 **Warnings: Sexual humor and references**

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 **Spice!**

"How can you eat all that spicy stuff Pittoo?" Dark Pit, who was currently standing at the counter making submarine sandwiches for the both of them, craned his head to look at Pit. Pit sat at the table- well, more like layed on- with his arms stretched nearly halfway across it. Pittoo peeled apart slices of pepper jack cheese and layed them neatly onto one of the long slices of bread.

"I like the kick," he simply replies before returning to his sandwich project. He placed slices of cheddar jack cheese onto a different slab of grain. He reached his hand over and grabbed a jar of jalapeno peppers. Pit made a face.

"I don't understand how you do. I don't like hot stuff."

"Are you saying you don't like me?" Pit could practically hear Pittoo's grin on his face.

"No, I'm saying I don't like what you eat," he rebuttled. Dark Pit grabbed a handful of peppers and layed them out on his sandwich.

"That's not what I hear in bed."

"Pittoo!" Pit squeaked. Dark Pit only laughed at his boyfriend.

A few minutes passed in silence. Pittoo quietly continued making their lunch. Pit rested his chin on the wooden tabletop, his white wings slumped and his eyes boring holes into the dark angel's back. His stomach gurgled and he groaned while absentmindedly placing a hand on his stomach.

"Are you almost done making them?"

"Almost, be patient Pit-stain," Pit stuck his tongue out at him, despite Dark Pit not being able to see it. Pittoo gripped a bottle of hot sauce (a gift from Viridi, a chibified version of her face visible on the label) and squeezed it. The bottle made squelching noises as he tried to milk the last of the sauce out of the container. Finally satisfied, he placed the tops of the long buns on the subs and turned around to the mopey angel behind him. "They're done. The one on the-"

"Yes, finally! Lunch time!" Pit interjected. His chair clattered to the floor as he shot to the counter and picked up his sandwich. Dark Pit opened his mouth again to say something when Pit interrupted him again. "Thanks Pittoo!"

The gluttonous angel took a big bite out of the sub. Dark Pit pressed his hand on his forehead and shook his head. Pit only looked at him questioningly while trying to chew the large piece of food in his mouth. "What?" he asked with his mouthful.

It only took him moments to figure out what the problem was. As soon as he swallowed the hunk of sandwich, he felt his tongue start to heat up. Pit's face grew red, being brightest at his eartips. His countenance started to sweat, and tears formed in the corners of his eyes. He quickly shoved the sandwich into Pittoo's arms before literally sprinting to the kitchen sink. Dark Pit watched him furiously guzzle down the water directly from the faucet, trying his best to control his chuckles (and failing). He placed his sub on the counter and walked over to the angel, resting his elbow against the counter next to him.

"You know, water will only make it worse."

Pit's head shot up from the spray of water, his cheeks puffed out ridiculously from the liquid in his mouth. He gulped the cool water before making a bee-line right to the refrigerator. The angel yanked the door open, rattling the contents on the inside. Dark Pit heard him frantically shuffle through the items inside and cringed when he heard a few bottles of condiments crash onto the floor.

Pit triumphantly pulled out a carton of milk. He quickly unscrewed the cap and brought it to his mouth, effortlessly chugging the white liquid. Dark Pit was sure he emptied the container by the time the angel slammed it in the counter. His breaths were heavy and short, trying to inhale the oxygen he didn't have while pouring the milk down his throat. The dark angel smirked at his boyfriend when Pit locked eyes with him.

"Well, I guess you can say that could _spice_ up our sex life."

Dark Pit was then struck by an empty milk container.


	3. I Still Miss You

**Rating: K**

 **Warnings: Feels and Ouchies**

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 **I Still Miss You**

The day was absolutely beautiful. The sky was a perfect ocean, untouched by clouds and other bothersomes that invaded it regularly. The sun was warm and bright, but not too much as to blind anyone who dare to step outside their home. A soft breeze occassionally swept through, cool and refreshing to anyone to be in its draft. It was just the kind of day Pit was hoping for, as he had very special plans outdoors today. It would be quite dampening on the mood if it was rainy.

His sandals scuffed the off-white cement as he made his way to the gardens. Trees shaded his path in some areas, providing a cool cover from the sun. Cherry blossoms occassionally fell from the trees, and the ones unfortunate enough to has already fallen to the ground got crushed under Pit's foot. The soft smell of flower petals and morning dew was carried with the wind. The angel inhaled it's scent, quite fond of the aroma. The gardens were only this beautiful at this short time of the year, and he always tried his best to remember it. His white wings fluttered a little, a feeling of pleasure created from the aroma. The soft smile on his lips became a little wider, and he hefted up the basket in his arms and picked up his pace.

Not a moment too long, Pit walked under an arch of vines and morning glories and into a clearing. It was a smallish area in the shape of a rectangle. It was surrounded by lucious growth, trees and wildflowers alike mixed into the brush in a natural, yet organized manner. Stone benches the same color as the cement rested on either side of him. The same typed of benches were on the otherside of the clearing, symmetrical to the ones close. On one end there was a neatly sculptured birdbath, currently void of any flying animals. It was surrounded with a circular flower bed, decorated with marigolds, daisies and petunias. On the far end, stood a moderately sized statue surrounded by a neat bed of spring irises. In the center rested a sundial, which marked the time somewhere in the late afternoon.

He was late because during training, some of the centurions got a little rough with each other. It took him forever to smooth out the mess, but at least he still had some time left.

Carefully stepping over the bright purple flowers, Pit sat in his favorite spot next to the statue. He leaned against the leg and placed the basket next to him, retrieved a sandwich from it and took a large bite. He quickly downed the sandwich, hungry after spending so much time training. He swallowed ungracefully, and had bits and pieces of the sandwich on his toga. The angel chuckled and brushed them off.

"Heh, you'd probably scold me for being so messy," he laughed out loud. A silent wind brushed through the trees, caressing his brown hair. A small brown and white speckled bird glided onto the edge of the birdbath, hopping on the edge before deciding to jump in. "Sorry I was late...some of the Centurions got into a nasty fight. It took me hours to get them to stop arguing and punching each other! And do you know what they were all fighting over?" Pit gestured his arms out wildy as he spoke. "Who got to fire the Daybreak today! I ended up not letting anyone use it. I swear, the soldiers are just like little kids sometimes..." An exasperated sigh escaped his lips before a remeniscent smile grazed them. "It reminds me of the fights we had. You remember the one about who got the bean bag chair while playing video games? I left a bruise on your face that lasted a week!" A hearty laughter filled the area, slowly dying down to a soft tone. "I miss those arguments..."

Pits face turned somber, his normally sparkling blue eyes downcast and his hands resting in his lap. "I miss a lot of things we did...the spars, the naps...you always looked so happy when sleeping, it was so cute! Though when I told you that you'd just punch me and say, 'I'm not cute! I'm handsome!'" Pit imitated a deep voice, badly at that. He then absentmindedly picked the loose feathers off his wings. They were currently loosing their winter coat, and it took a lot of work to keep them nice and groomed during the spring season. He plucked a white feather and let it loosely fall to the ground. "I also miss when we would groom our feathers. Your hands always felt so nice against my wings...and yours were always so silky and soft..." The angel chuckled again. "I still want to know your secret on that. I've tried so many different soaps, but mine were always so fluffy." He let go of his wing and let out a yawn.

"Oh! I nearly forgot! I got you a little something..." Pit leaned over to the basket and pulled out a purple scarf. It looked sleek and soft, but it also appeared to be a bit worn. Hard-to-notice patches of new fabric stood out against the sunlight. "I didn't tell you, but after you got sick I kinda stole your favorite scarf, aha...but I took the liberty to fix it up for you. It was so dirty and torn, how could you even wear it like that? I didn't wash it a lot though, just enough to get the dirt out. I'm not very good with sewing or anything like that, but Lady Palutena helped me fix the holes and tears in it for you." He gently hugged it to him, resting the fabric against his cheek. "It's nice and soft, just like your feathers. It even smells like you still..." His eyes felt heavy as he rested on the cloth. He stayed like that a moment. A small black bird flew into the clearing, resting on the edge of the bath. It watched the other bird bathe in the water, occassionally getting splashed by the speckled bird. Pit yawned again and placed the scarf in a neatly folded manner near the statue's foot.

"Sorry that I didn't get it back to you any sooner, I just didn't know when was the right time," the angel apologized. His eyes drooped a little bit, exhaustion resting on his features. He was tired from all the physical activity today, and he usually would have taken a nap a few hours ago. He put his hand in the basket again before pulling out a red rose. He gently held it with his fingers and studied it with tired eyes. "I know you must think I'm a sap, but I also got you a rose. It's supposed to be an expression of love to someone, so here." He placed the flower on top of the scarf. Another long yawn escaped his mouth. "I'm tired...I'm gonna take a nap. Don't worry though, I'll still be here." Pit smiled once again, his cheeks slightly rosey.

"Happy Birthday Pittoo, I still miss you."

The statue stood motionless, the facial features forever crafted into a signature scowl.


End file.
